MIAMI VICE JERSEY ZERO MOVIE

MIAMI VICE JERSEY ZERO MOVIE

Did they still have those in the ‘80s? Whatever the case, this 1987 movie is about an elderly, um, traveler who decides to visit his abandoned son for Christmas. That’s right, kids: In the ‘80s, you could still say “hobo,” although the hobo in question is of the old-fashioned train-hopping, bindle-swinging variety. 6 ‘A Hobo’s Christmas,’ CBS, December 20, 1988 It consists of short vignettes featuring characters singing Christmas carols who absolutely should not be, including doo-wop camels, self-harming church bells and “a walrus couple doing an interpretive ice ballet while several luckless penguins watch.” That’s a real thing and not one of Tchaikovsky’s fever dreams. 7 ‘A Claymation Christmas Celebration,’ CBS, December 23, 1988Ĭlaymation was another big Christmas special theme in the ‘80s, including this 1987 musical medley by lauded claymator Will Vinton. The rest of the plot is a The Office-like competition between elves that involves hilariously dangerous toys (a very ‘80s concern) and lollipops that make people fly (a much more ‘60s device because they’re definitely LSD).

Man, people were obsessed with Santa’s origins and mortality in the ‘80s, but that’s only a small part of 1985’s Santa Claus: The Movie.

8 ‘Santa Claus: The Movie,’ ABC, December 24, 1988 For some reason, it never quite reached Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town levels of popularity. This 1985 Rankin/Bass joint is about Santa being found as a baby by an immortal wizard who gives him to a lion to raise, inciting an extremely deadly war between factions of otherworldly creatures, and almost dying himself before the Council of Immortals grants him eternal life. 9 ‘The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus,’ CBS, December 24, 1988 Times review noted “looks far too attractive. We know what you’re thinking: Sure, it’s a Christmas story, but a little dark for modern television, isn’t it? But the 1987 made-for-TV version is “disguised beyond recognition,” starring the youngest Cosby Show sibling as an orphan whose sole purpose in life is to cheer up rich people and light magical matches (an activity the L.A. 10 ‘The Little Match Girl,’ NBC, December 25, 1988

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